I can’t stand the Bob & Tom radio show. If my radio happens to be on in the morning to a station that’s airing Bob & Tom, I am forced after about 30 seconds to change the station.

I write this as someone who knows basically nothing about Bob & Tom, their gags, their recurring jokes and/or guests, or what they have to say about anything. I don’t know what they say or do, because I can’t stand listening to them for more than 30 seconds.

I’m sure there are defenders of Bob & Tom out there. There must be some reason they have an audience. Maybe I’ll even hear from some of them. But all I have to say about Bob & Tom is that because of that incessant ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha false laugher, they are utterly unbearable. If you listen to them for 10 seconds, either Bob will laugh at Tom, Tom will laugh at Bob, one of them will laugh at himself, or one of them will laugh at their guest. Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-*SMACK*. Shut the fuck UP.

I don’t buy it for a second. It’s all phony. They can’t possibly be really laughing that much. It’s all forced for our benefit.

Laugh tracks have a long history, most specifically on sitcoms. If you stop and think about a laugh track, it’s absurd: You’re watching a show where they’re trying to sell to you, via psychology, that something is funny, even if it’s not. (See, everyone else is laughing! You should be too!)

With Bob & Tom, the audience isn’t laughing; the performers are. All artifice is obvious, and it becomes insulting to your intelligence. Here are two guys laughing at everything that is said, as if it’s the funniest thing ever! And not only is it insulting to my intelligence, it’s just plain annoying. Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!! Here are two guys who won’t shut up about how funny they are. Frankly, in real life, I find it suspicious when someone laughs at everything. I identify them as suck-ups, stupid, phony, or all of the above.

Because not everything is even close to that funny. Hell, barely 10 percent of it is.

How is it that the audience of this inane radio show hasn’t risen up and revolted against this blatantly stupid laughter that is attempting to con them into thinking Bob & Tom are funny? How does this show have any audience at all?

Maybe it’s the content. Maybe it really is funny. I seriously doubt it. But I’ll never stick around long enough to find out, because I’d be forced to kill myself.