Comments on: So you’re the son of a bitch who’s been stealing my newspaper

By: TSM

TSM — Tue, 16 Oct 2007 19:54:08 +0000

But what if Michael J. Fox *is* the thief?

I got used to living in an apartment where things could be left in the lobby if I wasn’t home. Then I had to change practices after packages started getting stolen; anything from amazon.com was liable to disappear, anything else was usually safe. What is it that possesses people to suck?

By: smeos

smeos — Tue, 16 Oct 2007 21:19:22 +0000

Jammer, this is not ‘Nam. There are rules.

By: Mom trumps TNG

Mom trumps TNG — Tue, 16 Oct 2007 23:09:36 +0000

Good idea. I agree this person is a jerk. I think getting up at 5 a.m. might be too early, though. We don’t get our paper until 6 or later–especially on Sunday. Check with the carrier first so you won’t get up for nothing!

By: Mappo

Mappo — Wed, 17 Oct 2007 00:26:21 +0000

If you are going to get up at 5a anyway, why NOT do a sting operation?

You would have a few options as far as I could think:

1. Watch out your peephole all day. Is the paper stolen EVERY Sunday. Can you tell a consistent time when it is stolen?

2. A better idea (IMO). Get a fishing line (or some other near invisible string/line) and attach it to the paper. Run the line underneath your door and tie it to some bells or other noisemaker. That way, you can watch some football quietly on TV, and wait for the culprit to take the bait.

3. It would be awesome if you could come up with a dye pack like they use in bank robberies or something.

By: Mappo

Mappo — Wed, 17 Oct 2007 01:00:14 +0000

Actually, the more I think about it, the more I dislike this note idea. If you are going to do it that way, at least bluff a little and say I KNOW WHO YOU ARE AND WILL CALL THE POLICE THE NEXT TIME YOU STEAL MY PAPER.

Otherwise, I really think you need to seize the day, Jammer. Turn this shitty situation into a huge opportunity. Buy an airhorn and get a camcorder. When you see the paper getting stolen, jump out screaming and blairing the airhorn, scaring the living shit out of the guy.

Post it on the internet with the background story and become famous. You’ll be the next numa numa kid for sure. Bonus points if you jump out naked.

By: JavaheadJake

JavaheadJake — Wed, 17 Oct 2007 03:58:45 +0000

Hide in the shadows with an electo-atomizer (or a camera with a bright flash) and blast the dude!

I think Mappo has a great idea.

By the way, only in a “STRICT LAND” would a BACK dated newspaper FROM weeks ago a use in THE FUTURE.

By: Jamahl Epsicokhan

Jamahl Epsicokhan — Wed, 17 Oct 2007 04:13:50 +0000

While more extreme measures might seem appealing, my response is one of intentional restraint for a reason (hence my including both “please” and “thank you” in the note).

I think one key here is not to go too far over the top. Resorting to physical pranks or other forms of embarrassment could create unnecessary ill will with someone I’ll still have to see in the building in the future. I don’t want to be on unnecessary bad terms with them if I can avoid it.

For now, I’d like to keep it discreet and just let them know I don’t appreciate what they’re doing. If that doesn’t solve the problem, then maybe I’ll take more aggressive action.

By: 3L

3L — Thu, 18 Oct 2007 15:07:42 +0000

Of course, the inevitable result of this is that, at best, the thief will simply take somebody *else’s* paper.

By: Michael

Michael — Fri, 19 Oct 2007 03:57:28 +0000

Even better - do the string thing so that when the jerk comes and commits their latest theft, you can jump up, slam open the door, and snap a polaroid. Follow them back to their apartment lecturing them, so you know where they live. Then post the photo and their apartment number in the lobby, with a large note explaining why their photo is in the lobby with a large note on it.

Bonus points if you actually snap the photo with them holding your paper looking like a wildebeast watching the croc rising out of the water towards them.

By: Mappo

Mappo — Mon, 22 Oct 2007 04:31:48 +0000

So…today is Sunday. Any updates?

By: Arman

Arman — Mon, 22 Oct 2007 22:27:45 +0000

We won’t know until next Sunday whether the stealing continues or not.

By: Jamahl Epsicokhan

Jamahl Epsicokhan — Mon, 22 Oct 2007 22:55:58 +0000

I put the note in the paper and positioned it outside my door such that I would know if it had been moved. It was obviously moved, all the way to the center of the hallway and down the hall about six feet. So whoever tried to take it obviously got my message. They returned it intact. (But there was no reason for them to take it since it was three weeks old.) Now we’ll have to see if they change their behavior. Next Sunday.

By: Mappo

Mappo — Tue, 23 Oct 2007 03:25:52 +0000

Are you at the end of the hallway?

If not, at least you have a clue as to the direction of the culprit’s apartment.

Also, if you used both the note and the old paper, is it possible they picked it up and just realized it was an old paper without finding the note?

By: stef

stef — Tue, 23 Oct 2007 08:18:57 +0000

Isn’t this what wireless spycams were invented for? Well, this and catching rogue IMF agents stealing the NOC list.

By: stef

stef — Mon, 29 Oct 2007 10:36:59 +0000

Well, it’s Monday again. What happened?